boogie
06-27-2007, 07:48 PM
This is a comedy sketch from a Spike Milligan book, I was given out of the blue by someone I don’ t know. (It’s a long story)
This was on page 6. It was transmitted (i.e. Radio) 28 may 1951
All parts were played by Michael Bentine, Spike Milligan and Peter Sellers.
It was reproduced without their permission (sorry)
Announcer: Motor Racing! The story of the B.R.M. The story of how it was born.
Peter : (Glendenning) The international car races will soon be in full swing. In past years the Italians have run away with all the prizes …in some cases before the race had even started. But this year they will have to contend with Britain and the B.R.M. Here to tell the story of this wonderful car is Captain Pureheart.
Michael : Good Evening.
Peter : Mmmmm. Yes well now, tell me what was the first race you ever won?
Michael : The Old Crocks Race in 1862.
Peter : But that was before you were born!
Michael : Do you imagine it was easy for me?
Peter : Ha ha ha !!! I think we’d better start your story.
Michael : Yes. After the war an impoverished Britain put on an international car race at Silverstone – poor Britain, we had a very weak team – I shall never forget the dramatic finish of the first race.
F/X : (Crowds cheering & atmosphere – Motor cars racing)
Harry : (excited) And here comes the Italian piping the German, as the chequered flag goes down on the finishing line! And here a long way behind coming into third place is Captain Pureheart the British driver.
Spot F/X : (Horse galloping to a stop. Neigh. Whinny)
Spike : Woah boy woah! (fade)
Michael : Yes – British prestige sank pretty low – but I was determined. I decided to raise sufficient funds to build a New car. So I hurriedly held a meeting with my bankers.
All ; (Talk very fast)
Harry : Hup!
Michael : The answer was ‘No’ . I tried every possible way to get money, finally I was successful, all I had to do was ….
Spot F/X : (splintering of glass, Police sirens)
Michael : (Proudly) …..and six months. With the money I gathered six car designers, we locked ourselves in a garage and really went to town.
Harry : They set to work with grim purpose. This was to be the car that would recapyure Briyains lost trophies. They rented a factory at Berkhamstead and at dawn 3000 pit workers arrived at the works entrance. Soon the air rang with the soundof their labours and by midnight the foreman reported the result.
Peter : (Cockney) Well – now we got a ‘ammer.
Michael : Next I called on my technical adviser, Ernie Splutmuscle.
Peter : Er, did you want me n’at Captain?
Michael : Yes Splutmuscle, here’s five thousand pounds, I want you to go to Italy and bring back the finest motoring brains that money can buy.
Peter : Righty – ho !
Michael : Three weeks later he arrived back with a glass jar. In it were the finest motoring brains that money could buy.
Harry : In the meantime the engine had been completed and the mechanics were fitting the body together.
F/X : (Phone rings)
Michael : Hello
Harry : Hello Captain. The garage here.
Michael : Good, how’s she coming?
Harry : Alright.
Michael : Have you the bonnet on ?
Harry : Yorst, and I don’t ‘arf look stupid in it. (Laugh)
Michael : Come the day when there she lay. The B.R.M. my sleek new shiny monster was ready for her first trial run. I checked her over with Splutmuscle.
F/X : (tapping)
Michael : Splutmuscle
Peter : Yais Captain?
Michael : Have you checked the oil?
Peter : No yais, n’at.
Michael : In Both head lamps?
Peter : Yais.
Michael : Splendid. Right, well help me into the cockpit, lad.
Both : (Grunt Groan)
Peter : Right ho, all set n’at.
Michael : Good. Now when I say the word – turn her over!
Peter : Ever vigilant, n’at
Michael : Right ! Turn her over !
F/X : (whistle & Crash)
Peter : Are you alright under there, Captain, n’at?
Spike : Yes, I see you must have had some rather trying experiences.
Michael : Indeed yes, I shall never forget the thrill of pulling into the pits for the first trial run around the race circuit, As I drove up …… (fade)
F/X : (revving of racing car engine)
Peter : Well Captain. I timed you at 100 and 52 miles an hour.
Michael : Oh splendid.
Peter : But how did she hold the record ?
Michael : Magnificently … but I still think we should have some wheels.
Orchestra : Link
Michael : At last came the day when the car was completed and Lady Quilter christened it. With due ceremony she broke a small bottle of champagne over the bonnet.
Peter : I name this car B.R.M.
F/X : (Glass bottle breaking – pause – sound of car falling to bits)
Michael : Rebuilding starts tomorrow.
Peter : A thoroughly disinteresting story, Captain. I assure you. One parting shot, why do you call your car the B.R.M.
Michael : Ha ha ha ! The B.R.M? well that’s the sound it makes, sort of brrmmmm brrmmmm (drives away into the distance).
Sorry for any spelinge mistakes.
Sorry if it's difficult to read it's the best I can do
This was on page 6. It was transmitted (i.e. Radio) 28 may 1951
All parts were played by Michael Bentine, Spike Milligan and Peter Sellers.
It was reproduced without their permission (sorry)
Announcer: Motor Racing! The story of the B.R.M. The story of how it was born.
Peter : (Glendenning) The international car races will soon be in full swing. In past years the Italians have run away with all the prizes …in some cases before the race had even started. But this year they will have to contend with Britain and the B.R.M. Here to tell the story of this wonderful car is Captain Pureheart.
Michael : Good Evening.
Peter : Mmmmm. Yes well now, tell me what was the first race you ever won?
Michael : The Old Crocks Race in 1862.
Peter : But that was before you were born!
Michael : Do you imagine it was easy for me?
Peter : Ha ha ha !!! I think we’d better start your story.
Michael : Yes. After the war an impoverished Britain put on an international car race at Silverstone – poor Britain, we had a very weak team – I shall never forget the dramatic finish of the first race.
F/X : (Crowds cheering & atmosphere – Motor cars racing)
Harry : (excited) And here comes the Italian piping the German, as the chequered flag goes down on the finishing line! And here a long way behind coming into third place is Captain Pureheart the British driver.
Spot F/X : (Horse galloping to a stop. Neigh. Whinny)
Spike : Woah boy woah! (fade)
Michael : Yes – British prestige sank pretty low – but I was determined. I decided to raise sufficient funds to build a New car. So I hurriedly held a meeting with my bankers.
All ; (Talk very fast)
Harry : Hup!
Michael : The answer was ‘No’ . I tried every possible way to get money, finally I was successful, all I had to do was ….
Spot F/X : (splintering of glass, Police sirens)
Michael : (Proudly) …..and six months. With the money I gathered six car designers, we locked ourselves in a garage and really went to town.
Harry : They set to work with grim purpose. This was to be the car that would recapyure Briyains lost trophies. They rented a factory at Berkhamstead and at dawn 3000 pit workers arrived at the works entrance. Soon the air rang with the soundof their labours and by midnight the foreman reported the result.
Peter : (Cockney) Well – now we got a ‘ammer.
Michael : Next I called on my technical adviser, Ernie Splutmuscle.
Peter : Er, did you want me n’at Captain?
Michael : Yes Splutmuscle, here’s five thousand pounds, I want you to go to Italy and bring back the finest motoring brains that money can buy.
Peter : Righty – ho !
Michael : Three weeks later he arrived back with a glass jar. In it were the finest motoring brains that money could buy.
Harry : In the meantime the engine had been completed and the mechanics were fitting the body together.
F/X : (Phone rings)
Michael : Hello
Harry : Hello Captain. The garage here.
Michael : Good, how’s she coming?
Harry : Alright.
Michael : Have you the bonnet on ?
Harry : Yorst, and I don’t ‘arf look stupid in it. (Laugh)
Michael : Come the day when there she lay. The B.R.M. my sleek new shiny monster was ready for her first trial run. I checked her over with Splutmuscle.
F/X : (tapping)
Michael : Splutmuscle
Peter : Yais Captain?
Michael : Have you checked the oil?
Peter : No yais, n’at.
Michael : In Both head lamps?
Peter : Yais.
Michael : Splendid. Right, well help me into the cockpit, lad.
Both : (Grunt Groan)
Peter : Right ho, all set n’at.
Michael : Good. Now when I say the word – turn her over!
Peter : Ever vigilant, n’at
Michael : Right ! Turn her over !
F/X : (whistle & Crash)
Peter : Are you alright under there, Captain, n’at?
Spike : Yes, I see you must have had some rather trying experiences.
Michael : Indeed yes, I shall never forget the thrill of pulling into the pits for the first trial run around the race circuit, As I drove up …… (fade)
F/X : (revving of racing car engine)
Peter : Well Captain. I timed you at 100 and 52 miles an hour.
Michael : Oh splendid.
Peter : But how did she hold the record ?
Michael : Magnificently … but I still think we should have some wheels.
Orchestra : Link
Michael : At last came the day when the car was completed and Lady Quilter christened it. With due ceremony she broke a small bottle of champagne over the bonnet.
Peter : I name this car B.R.M.
F/X : (Glass bottle breaking – pause – sound of car falling to bits)
Michael : Rebuilding starts tomorrow.
Peter : A thoroughly disinteresting story, Captain. I assure you. One parting shot, why do you call your car the B.R.M.
Michael : Ha ha ha ! The B.R.M? well that’s the sound it makes, sort of brrmmmm brrmmmm (drives away into the distance).
Sorry for any spelinge mistakes.
Sorry if it's difficult to read it's the best I can do