Once Upon a Time In A Far Away Land....

[Bornunder Dutchess]

Remember when you were little? did you used to start a story on a bit of paper then fold it down and get your mate (or paid carer in my case) to write more story?


Once Upon a Time In A Far Away Land....There was a beautiful princess called BRMark who enjoyed Sombreros....



Please continue!

[kinggareth]

who's sombrero was the envy of all princesses up and down the land

[Bornunder Dutchess]

One day, an evil lilliputian king climbed into the princesses chamber whilst she was fast asleep and stole the sombrero! dissapearing off into the forest leaving nothing but a small jar of wee wee on the velvet cushion where the sombrero used to rest.

[kinggareth]

The overpowering odour of Sugar Puffs from the jar awoke Princess Mark from her slumber...

[Bornunder Dutchess]

who immediately rushed to the window in a cloud of chip spice and pie crumbs only to see her treasured sombrero vanish over the horizon with just a small pair of feet protruding from the bottom.


"what a mystery!" she exclaimed.


"And what the F*ck is that smell??!"

[BRMark]

At which point a disrevelled figure emerged from under the Princess' bed.

'I'm Sir Alan of Fast' - the underbed tramp proclaimed

'And I'll defend your honour and rescue the holy sombero in exchange for a hot meal'

[Bornunder Dutchess]

The princess sniffed the swarthy bed lurker suspiciously...


"no...its not you, its coming from over here..."

[Bornunder Dutchess]

......

[kinggareth]

'Mmm orange juice' said the princess, reaching for the jar

[Bornunder Dutchess]

"NO!"

Cried Alan of Fast leaping forth and stopping the princess before the jar touched her lips.

"This jar is the wee wee of the tiny cursed king of lilliputia, known as ASPARAGAR, legend has it that if one drop of this wee wee touches your lips, at the next full moon a terrible tranformation will occour to thee!"

[Fast Alan]

You`ll be cursed by the Evil Simple one who will take you back into a time now forgotten

[El Groover]

'The End must always follow the beginning' said the mysteriously wise Spanish maid El Groover:tease:

[Bornunder Dutchess]

only it wasnt, because..

[kinggareth]

..unbeknown to Princess Mark and Tramp Alan of Fast some of the splash-back from the jar had touched both of them, and the faint smell of luminous energy drinks was beginning to permeate their very being.

[Fast Alan]

A sudden urge came over them to wear ridiculous clothing that would cover the growth from the strange green luminous liquid that had splashed on them.

Mark and tramp Alan wore strange garments to cover their faces,a oversized hat for Mark and a silly pair of goggles for Alan,yet the smell of energy drinks still filled the air

[BRMark]

At this point Adam Nobeard, King of the Pirates, crashed though the door...

'ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHH' He proclaimed

'I be coming here with a message, ya scurvy ridden scoundrels, a yo ho ho and a bottle of rum, I've just seen that evil lilliputian bum!, if ye bring me a chest of golden booty, I'll give you a map and the use of my good ship called TeeDeeArrrrrrrrrrrrrrrBeArrrrrrrrrrEmm'

'Gadzooks! the quest must now begin!' exclaimed Sir Alan

[Bornunder Dutchess]

The first job facing Princess Mark and Tramp Alan of Fast was to find a chest of golden booty.

Being a princess one would assume Mark would already in possession of riches and jewels, however he was princess of the north, and the main trading currency was Pie's which he had in abundance.

"Hmmmm" pondered Alan

"suppose we should be getting off to look for some actual money then or your never going to get your somberor and we are stuck with the lilliputian wee wee curse"

[Adam]

Garrrr! :pirate:

[Bornunder Dutchess]

said Adam Nobeard..

"sorry thought youd left all ready!" replied the princess.

"I be going now, said Nobeard...Don't forget my booty"


Just then..outside the window, there was a clatter of hooves on cobblestone. Alan and Princess Mark rushed down to the castle gate to find...

[kinggareth]

..a collection of horses all the colour of the Land of Brook and wearing lipstick the colour of orange fruit. These fine steeds were being ridden by...

[Bornunder Dutchess]

Lady Sovereign and her humble man servant called..

[Fast Alan]

Seabart a strange Liverpudlian pirate who had seen many a shore a spent many nights in Dutch brothels,till taken in hand by Lady Sov

[Fast Alan]

Meantime Adam nobeard king of pirates had return to his lush dwellings in Kent,there he feasted and told tales of how he had defeated Si of Brighton,a mysterious character that had turned his carriage into something that just didnt look right.

Why I simply got irritated but his constant use of the word awesome as he mocked me,so I smashed an ice cream into his face.

The room erupted into laughter...we wont see the likes of him on these pages again the people proclaimed

[Stevedx]

little did they know that the Awesome one was planning his revenge.......

[Adam]

By calling on the infamous war-tribe of Damnation led by the fearsome Earl Groove of Er!

[Stevedx]

During this time, another south coast dweller was was finding his loyalties torn, as his good side wished to help Princess Mark and Tramp Alan of Fast recover the sombrero from the little short King, but his evil side was thinking nasty things to help Si Awesome, who had relocated his grown troop to the shire of Heavyweight(Ton) Bridge!!!

[Fast Alan]

News traveled fast and Lady Sov and her loyal servant Seabart raced to find princess Mark and Tramp Alan who were on their quest to find a stash of booty,after days of riding they located them only to find the green luminous liquid splashed on them had begun to send them mad...why Mark exclaimed Lady Sov why are you covered in orange fruit lipstick and where is the chest of gold promised to Adam nobeard,Mark turned round and replied.......

[Bornunder Dutchess]

"I knew I shouldnt have trusted a SOV! "

[BRMark]

All this turmoil in the kingdom had been watched carefully by the Grand Witch Burrows on her crystal tellybox - unsurprised was she when the Princess and Sir Alan came knocking on the door of her residence, The Upsidedown Witchery, seeking advice.

'Kgar the Angry Midget has travelled far to the North East, he has taken great pains to hide his true roots as a Geordie, and even now races back to take the holy sombreo and empower his pikey kingdom of New Castle, upon his return the streets will run brown with ale' prophesied the learned wiccan.

[Stevedx]

Si Awesome had finally convinced his fellow southern area dweller to join the dark side, So Steve and the DX army set a trap for Princess Mark and tramp Alan........

[Bornunder Dutchess]

a happy ending for the intrepid pair looked unlikely.

Even with the help of the good witch Burrows the Evil powers of Awesome and the DX army were strong.

Earl El of grove ER had also joined forces with the dark duo and a black cloud thundered over the valley as they ammassed their powers.

From the distance Nobeard watched from the bough of the good ship TDaaarrBaarrM and muttered to himself..

"were all pretty f*cked now"

[Stevedx]

Just as Noebeard thought it could not get any worse, a huge offshore storm gripped the ship, and tossed it around like a toy.............

[burrows]

....into the mouth of the Tyne

The grand witch burrows has a coven in the city of Durham and is familiar with the demon liquid brown ale, so beware princess Mark, it's powers are all encompasing and can turn the sacred sombrero into a cloth cap....

[Bornunder Dutchess]

With the wise words of the grand witch burrows ringing in his ears Princess Mark set off on his journey to the north to Find Asparagar!

[Stevedx]

During their journey Tramp Alan, was caught in one of the many traps laid by the DX Army, he insisted that the princess carried on, all the time knowing that his fate would lie in the the hands of darkness, when he would be taken to face the mighty Si and Steve.......

[Fast Alan]

Unfazed by his plight Tramp Alan remembered,through his madness the pungent smell and intoxication aspargar had bestowed upon him....he asked one of his captors for some water as he peeled a layer of intoxicated skin from his face...

[Bornunder Dutchess]

Catching his newly revealed reflection in the water he froze, for there, starting back at him was Evil Awesome!

"It was me??" wondered a bewildered Tramp Alan of Fast

"Could it be that I am really the Evil Awesome?"

[Bornunder Dutchess]

:yikes:

[Fast Alan]

Thankfully It was just the madness but soon this would spread,the only awnser lay with princess Mark to find and kill its very source.....ASPARGAR.....but surely he to would be affected by this madness

[BRMark]

Luckily HRH Mark had the Sacred 'madness repelling Toupee of Arglam!' a gift from SpankyDanius the Benevolent

http://geminisixty6.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/jr_ron_mens_toupees_big_1-new.jpg

And also the Holy Tache of Garflanderon - which he kindly lent to Sir Alan.

[Bornunder Dutchess]

having cleverly donned his 'madness repelling Toupee of Arglam!' Princess Mark thumbed a lift from a passing MGZR

"are you heading to the North?! he asked

" I need to track down the evil Geordie king of lilliputia ASPARAGAR"


"Why yesssssssssss" hissed the disembodied reply from within the MGZR

"company for the drive would be awssssssome"

"brilliant!" the good Princess Mark replied.


She climbed into the MGZR, pulling in her skirts (on her dress..not the stupid ones on the car) as the door shut with a bang.

"Ooohh" princess Mark commented. "its bloody dark in ere!"


And with that, the MGZR drove away at an average speed amidst the squealing of ye olde kwik fittery budget tyres, leaving nothing but a trail of ripspeed accessories and longing glances from misinformed teenagers in its wake.

[Stevedx]

where would this mysterious ZR go?

[Bornunder Dutchess]

To EVIL AWESOMES 80's lair!

[Stevedx]

so already having Tramp Alan in their evil clutches, all Si Awesome and Steve had to do was wait for the mysterious ZR, to deliver the princess

[Bornunder Dutchess]

So,

With The Princess Mark And Tramp Alan of Fast in their evil clutches and The good Pirate Adam Nobeard battling the Storms of Tyne who would save the day, rescue the princess and recover the Sombrero from Evil ASPARAGAR..lift the curse of the lilliputian Wee Wee that blighted poor Tramp Alan of Fast and the Good Princess and defeat Evil Awesome And The Army Of Steve DX and Earl El of Groove ER combined???

The Good Witch Burrows looked into her crystel telebox and from the murky smoke within a shadowy figure began to form...


"This is our hero!" Burrows prophesised...

And they are known throughout the land as...

[burrows]

....Gary of Snail and his trustee aide 'the welsh one'. There is fog on the tyne so Nobeard will have to row row row his boat and therefore will be too late to help. Gary of Snail is a distant relative of the Lambton Worm who knows of a hill not far away.....






(phew, that was tough)

[Bornunder Dutchess]

Good Witch Burrows reached for her spell book and cast searched up her very best summoning spell and with a wave of her magic aluminium tipped gear stick Gary Snail and Welsh One (who was feeling better after being taken ill on a trip to the land of the shire recently) appeared before her.

"Witch Burrows!" said Snail..."You look troubled.. and I was just having a nice cup of tea with son of snail and now Im here in the upside down witchery so something must be amiss"

[Stevedx]

Witch burrows, then charged The Snail and the Welsh one, with the task of rescuing the princess and tramp!

[Adam]

"Here" said Good Witch Burrows "I have a quest for you and to aid you in your journey I bestow upon you the Bobble Hat of Triumph!"

[Bornunder Dutchess]

Just then...a stong smell of lilliputian Wee Wee and began to drift through the Window..

The three froze..

"whats that..Asked Snail?"

"That"..said the good Witch Burrows "Is a short man with a big Sombrero that dosent belong to him"

[BRMark]

'Quickly you must don the Bobble hat of Triumph and follow your noses!'


So resplendant in woollen headwear, the pair set out to begin their arduous task, they both knew it wouldn't be fun nor easy, there was a good chance of ending up smelling of the evil ones bladdery putridness, and they may have to go to the land of the Geordie where they speak with an incomprehensible tongue - but the fate of the kingdom was in their hands, along with Gary's faint hope that to suceed would maybe, just maybe, mean that the Princess would bestow him the hand of Lady Sov as a gracious reward!

[Fast Alan]

Stop right there...

You gotta know right now....

before you go any further,do you love me...

It was Tramp Alan,in his madness he was singing old classic Meat Loaf songs,he had heard on Evil Simons 80`s stereo

[Stevedx]

it seemed as if the curse of the wee wee was sending tramp Alan madder faster then expected

[Bornunder Dutchess]

For many days, Snail and Welsh one travelled, following the feint smell of Wee Wee.

They journeyed on foot, as the Lady Sov and her Green Steeds were away on a tour promoting the new single, A collaboration with Dappy from NDUBS called "Sagging Jogging Bottoms? INSTANT COOL !"

They trekked uphill, down dale and stopped only to go bowling at Ye Olde Multiplex, Grab a Mcdonalde, Have a sleep at the lodge of Travel and to admire the veiw, twice, for they knew that time was not on their side and they must find the sombrero and engineer a daring rescue plan.

They walked endlessley untill an eerriee fog descended, and carried on the rank wee wee scented air came the distant sound of football songs.

They crossed a murky brown stream which was full of the debris of various forms of pastry product and greggs wrappers and came upon a sign.

"Newcastle!"... it read "abandon all hope ye who enter here"

Grim faced, the duo crossed the border into Geordie territorry and followed the instruction on the sign...to the letter.

[Bornunder Dutchess]

...

[Stevedx]

after only a few miles walk, their mood had dropped, as they felt hope had actually abandoned them.

Meanwhile back in the evil partnerships liar, they had taken to torturing the tramp, infront of her royalness.............

[Adam]

First they took away his Scrolls of Big Issues...

[BRMark]

First they took away his Scrolls of Big Issues...

Sorry but I just did a snorty nose laugh in a quiet office! :rofl:

[Bornunder Dutchess]

And then, they washed him. :yucky:

[Stevedx]

after the cleaning process he was half the man he used to be.............

[Bornunder Dutchess]

meanwhile...back in Newcastle a forlorn Snail and Welshone were

[Fast Alan]

Looking through there collection of top of the pops albums and singing...I'm standing in the road A man without a home My friends all pass me by And never say a word.

It was the infamous Blackfoot sue

[Adam]

While Pirate Nobeard was also singing to himself.......

"Here I go again on my own, sailing down the only river I've ever known" :band:

[Fast Alan]

It seemed they were all cursed by Evil Awesomes eighties stereo plague,

Luckily there was a lady they know that said all the glitters aint gold and she was buying a stairway to heaven
she told them not to br alarmed now,should they have a bustle in their hedgerow and perhaps all they needed was a springclean from the may queen

She went on to tell them there are two paths you can go by But in the long run
There's still time to change The road you're on.

As they set of she told them that a new day will dawn For those who stand long And the forests will Echo with laughter

[burrows]

The mist cleared on the crystal ball to reveal the whereabouts of the sombrero but alas there was no sign of ASPARAGAR

http://i124.photobucket.com/albums/p11/junkfunky/The-Angel-of-the-North.jpg

[Stevedx]

it would appear that the midget had gone into hiding, but was also taunting everyone by putting the sombrero on show for all to see!

[Bornunder Dutchess]

"well" said Snail to welshone as they gazed up at the Angel of the North sporting the princesses sombrero.

"now what?"

[Stevedx]

it would appear we need some climbing gear, we must try to retrieve HRH's property, even though it is certain to be a trap!

[Bornunder Dutchess]

"Use the force" said the good witch burrows through the bobble hat, which doubled as a telepathic device.

[Stevedx]

This burrows is becoming a hinderance the awesome one said to Steve DX

[Bornunder Dutchess]

Snail and Welsh focused on the cap and sure enough it began to drift down towards them.

"Nooooo its Myyyy precious!!!"

wailed the evil ASPARAGAR as he ran towards the princesses sombrero.

"AH ha" said Snail as he drew his aluminium tipped gear stick.

"I knew the you would be unable to resist the sombrero! Prepare to meet your doom!"

[Stevedx]

At that moment snail and welsh were attacked by strange dodgy 200 drivers that have been turned evil, by the modding bug.

[Bornunder Dutchess]

It seemed like things couldnt get any worse for Snail and Welsh one..our poor heros were surrounded!

[Stevedx]

it was then that....................

[Bornunder Dutchess]

The good Pirate nobeard cast the ship TDAaarrBaaaRM to anchor in the newcastle brown ale river and rushed to the scene with a vast number of pirates to save the day.

Evil ASPARAGAR was captured and the Sombero retrived.

The 200 Mod Squad fled with their Exauhst between their tyres and the day was partially saved.

;)

[Stevedx]

But princess mark and the tramp alan still needed rescuing and that wasnt going to be an easy task!

[BRMark]

Then the Princess remembered she had found a key somewhere along the vast journey - and as luck would happen it just so happened to fit the lock to gate that imprisioned them both.

With that the Princess and Sir Alan skipped aboard the nearby pirate ship of Adam Nobeard and he swiftly sailed them back to the kingdom.

That night the holy sombrero was restored to it rightful place and there was much rejoicing! yippee!

http://img1.jurko.net/mario.gif

[Bornunder Dutchess]

And they all lived happily ever after.

Thank God for that!

[Adam]

But.........

[Fast Alan]

Except a cure was still needed for the madness...Princess Mark headed north to find chip spice for the lady to rub into his growths,while Tramp Alan went south to pay great amounts of taxes so that those that owned houses could tell him just how much they had and yet still were not happy.

Evil Awesome got a new job in a fraud shop,Steve DX crafted a small yet nimble machine in the kingdom of Brighton and drove to a foreign land called Germany

Adam Nobeard started a club called tdrmbrtdddm and it was joined by everyone elseI cant be bothered to name

And they all lived happily ever after :clap2: